<3
This is my favorite song. It makes me cry everytime i hear it. Tonight i heard some fantastic news. I only want the best ever for any of my best friends. My very best friend, who is my favorite person to spend time with is now going out with the perfect guy. As a matter of fact, both of my very close friends are dating the best guys in their life right now. I can undoubtedly say i am entirely happy for them, they both deserve them. I on the otherhand have yet to find any such guy. It has been extremely difficult to see everyone around find someone that makes them smile endlessly, and can tell everything to, and have little cute, perks with. These past couple of weeks, i have thought more than ever what special person God will put in my life like that. I am convinced it is only up to him, and that He has blessed my dear friends in ways unimaginable. I cannot wait to meet my future husband, and spend my life with him. I just have to get the wating part mastered. To make matters worse, I watched He's Just Not That Into You today, and only messed with my feelings even more. I want to be in each of those relationships, well most, the cute ones. But I have to continually tell myself that that won't be MY relationship but it will be something soo very special to me because My Savior created it for me. I write this and believe this with complete confidence, but how come I get so upset then? This year, this new year I get another chance to spend on earth my one and only goal is put my trust in God ENTIRELY. I have had such strong times of faith in my life, and then i have had extremely weak times of faith in my life. I hate this. I hate this very very much. I need to live a life of complete faith and trust. God gave up his only son, for me. A stupid, jealous, sinner, HORRID sinner and yet i continue to treat him with such disrespect. I love my God very very much, too much to even explain. so why do i treat him in this manner? It is a question I will never fully understand until i dedicate myself to knowing him and understanding him to the best of my ability.
In all this rambling, I want to say congratulations to my two favorite people. I am soo very happy for you. I act like they are getting married. shoot! anyways, you both deserve the special people God has blessed you with.
I am a late bloomer. and I thank the counselor Danielle and Lisa for assuring me I am not the only one. :) I am entirely grateful for your encouragement you have given me, even though you have no idea how greatly you impacted me. ha.
Also, on a side note. I love you. I love you very much. You have done me wrong in ways you will never know. and to think i was done crying over you. I don't think i will ever stop crying over you. And you know what the worst part about it is? You will never know that. bummer. I only do the things i do as an attempt to mend this stupid situation we are in, and you could care less. I have always ALWAYS looked at the positive, while you have looked at the negatives. so now, i will look at the negatives. I do not and never will wish you harm, or the worst things in life. I have shed too many tears over you, and I am furious with myself for letting you take advantage of me so much. I don't care anmore. I am done hurting myself over you. and holding on like you do. Maybe you'll eventually get that letter, maybe you will eventually read this. Who knows. I hope that if you ever do, that you will have grown up, and learned from this, and never encounter another situation like this. But that will only happen if you decide to change. So if anything should come from this, I hope it be a change in you, a positive change in you. I will be more than willing to sacrifice my pain, dedication and cooperation for you to never treat another person like you treated me. I will try very hard not to be bitter, but you have made it very difficult. With this I end. I end our friendship, and everything that will go with it. Goodbye, B.
