Fearless.

I cry everytime. Fearless-Colbikins! <3
I sit here in my bed tonight, half asleep because of the benadril (defs not how you spell it. whateves.) I just downed and sniffling, thinking about today. Today was a very odd day. I feel as though school tends to turn your world topsy-turvy and everywhere.

To start off, I love my best friend, Dee. She is the greatest person in the world. She is always there when I need a laugh, a cry, a distraction, a relation, a prayer, EVERYTHING. Dee, I will always cherish you, and our parallel life we live. :)

Today was a day that I will dedicate entirely to my Father above. Today was the first time in ages that I felt like me. Where I completely let go and allowed people to see the real me underneath my weight and my doubts. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." This is my life motto. I have not been entirely as close with God as I have been with in the past. 2010 was a spiritual high year for me, and I will never forget it. I learned so much more about myself, how to trust God more, how to reconnect, how to fully and completely give him my life, and everything I think, feel, want, hate. Let me tell you, it is not easy. It is not easy at all. I think that is where I find myself writing this blog. Today I felt absolutely fearless. I felt so alive, and filled with joy. You wanna know the irony of it all? It was our first day back to school after 3 weeks of vacation, I had to sit in the DMV for an hour and a half, I had to be hurt once again by a person I will never forget, and still love, and my brother was not only late after school, but left his phone in my car. The irony of it all, was that although this could have been an extremely horrid day, it turned out to be very enlightening. I feel as though today was a huge test from God. A test of my patience, my kindness, my perserverance, and my faith. I find it amazing the things God does to you and for you, when I (at least) felt like I have been the farthest from him for a while. It amazes me that God loves me THAT much to keep coming back to me, time and again. It is heartbreaking that I too come back to him time and time again, the only difference is, that he is ALWAYS there, I just think he comes back again. But no, it is I who leaves and comes back.

Today God put into me, this glow and joy that couldn't have come on a better day. I want to continue to live this way. To take in everyday as a day filled with challenges, but challenges that will be easier with God on my side. I want to not leave him, as he has never left me, and as he has continued to love me, even though I have betrayed him too many times to count. He is more than worth anything I own, or anything I desire. I want my life to revolve around Him.

My prayer tonight is that we can all just find ourselves in God's glory. That we can dive into this unconditional love he has for us terrible sinners. That we can just always treat people with love, and kindness no matter how much they have hurt us; we must treat people as God treats us. Weird. I could swear I learned this in Sunday School when I was 10. Funny how I am just picking up on the concept. ;)

I couldn't imagine my life without God in it. My goal is tell people about this unconditional love through my actions and love. I want people to be able to experience this as well. Yes, it is an extremely tough life to live, but I believe it is entirely worth it. There are not even words to describe how worth it it is. 

With you as my witness, I will continue to ask and seek God's glory in everything I do. Even if it is trying to find it in the DMV, or the first day back. I will find it.

I think this benadril has finally kicked in (as I nod off writing this). So, I leave you with these thoughts, whether they challenge you, teach you something new, or refresh your memory. Goonight Chicago! God Bless! <3