They come and Go.

So instead of doing my homework, or doing my extended essay, or wathcing my next episode of bones, or sleeping, or working out, I decided to blog. I have discovered that this is a magnificent little way of letting my thoughts go, and allowing me to think about all sorts of things. So be prepared for a all sorts of random, ambivalent, indifferent and great things in this post.

So, I must begin by saying that Ms. Sara Barellies is my all time favorite artist! Every song of hers always finds a way of relating to how I am feeling at that moment. It is indescribable. So thanks you miss, I WILL be going to see you live one day. I WILL.

Second, the greatest sister in the world that I can call all mine is turning 20 on thursday! 20!!!! She will always be a kid at heart, but her growing in age, means I will be growing in age as well. Which brings a lot of gross, adulty things to do, which I would rather take a bullet over than do. goodness. I love you my dear sister very very much. and I hope that you have THE greatest 20th birthday of all time! And I do not need to tell you to party it up, becasue I know for sure that the good ol' Barbs will take care of both of us AND the hunger of a third world country for us. ;)

I realize quite a lot today. Particularlly something I should have realized a LOOONG time ago, but am just starting to do something about (kinda?) now. I find myself, a little more frequently than I would like, getting taken advantage of or getting treating horridly in ways that I would never treat a human being. I have this best friend, and yes, she is entirely my best friend, and I love her very much, but sometimes, she just brings me down to a trench in the ocean. She can say the meanest things. It's like I could say the same thing but ten times worse to you right now. But i don't. I don't say them. This is why I have lost my best friend, and this is why people think I am crazy. But goodness! I don't understand what is so wrong with bringing people up, and making them feel loved sometimes. Everyone needs love in their life. Tthey need someone to show them some sort of love, care, kindness. So, from here on out, I am not going to think, "oh, I could have told you that you did this thing wrong too, so shut up." No. Actions speak louder than words, and I am going to show it, I don not care what other people will think of me, but I am going to make people's days. Not for my own glory, but for their own comfort in knowing someone loves them and for the glory of my precious Lord.

I am not one for excuses, but I think the reason why I have such a difficult time with keeping my faith, and being consistently devoted to My Savior is this oh so ungodly world! I constantly find myself becoming completely vulnerable, or holding myself back from saying and doing things because they are not something Jesus would do. Now don't get me wrong, I love living my life in Christ's shadow, but people who just totally treat you mean, or insignificant makes it all that much more difficult. I think of this and then I think this definitely isn't any excuse. Christ went through plenty of persecution so much that he was crucified, CRUCIFIED for me. A girl who has betrayed God too many times to count, and has fallen into the Devil's traps an unexcusable number of times. This has always been such a hard concept for me. I am always convincted beyond words when we take communion or are talking about Jesus shedding his blood for me. He offers a salvation that no other diety could ever compensate for. I don't want to end up professing my faith and following Jesus out of guilt, but out of love, and mercy and the fact that without Him, my life would be incredibly more difficult than it is now, with Him. Yes, the Christian life is no walk in the park, but a life without Jesus is a walk I would never want to walk or imagine what it would be like to walk.

so, that is it. Not as random and messy as I thought. Throughout the day, I think of things, or experience things, and I want to blog about them. But then I get here, and I forget! go figure. soooo. That is a glimse inside of my thinking for today. :)

Also, I need to stop cursing. It is not cool, nor okay. STOP.

-An indifferent, ever-changing Emilia.